Knowing
by LOSTbutsurviving
Summary: Hephaistion knows that no matter who he's with, he will always be Alexander's.


Heyy everyone- this is my first Alexander fic...actually I guess you could say it is my _first _fic ever so yeahh…_Alexander _rocked like crazy! I started getting into Alexander even before the movie, and I _knew_ I had to watch it. However, I'm only thirteen. But luckily movie theatres aren't exactly the most patrolled places in the world…:P anyway, I'm rambling.

Enjoy the story…_review always help, _and actually tell me if you want another chapter. Cos I might write another one.

if i made any mistakes, please tell me and forgive me. especially about that girl part..i had really no clue about that one..and please keep in mind that im only thirteen and new to this stuff.

Knowing

He had suspected things for a while now, ever since they left Sogdia. Hephaestion's manner towards him had taken a strange turn. Not that Hephaestion was ignoring Alexander- they still shared jests, drank wine, and even indulged in an occasional night together. But there always used to be a sense of wanting that showed in Hephaestion when they were around each other- the glimmer of the blue eyes constantly fixed on him. But lately, the eyes did not seek him out as often, and around him Hephaestion had not seemed wanting, mostly content. And if that was not strange enough, once in a while, when Hephaestion looked at him, when he thought Alexander did notice, his eyes seemed to deepen with sadness and hurt. But Alexander _did _notice.

"Alexander." Ptolemy's voice rang out in the night air, jolting him out of his thoughts. "Alexander, surely you do not want to sit and gaze at the fire all night."

"We were thinking of getting some wine," Cassander added as he stood beside Ptolemy. "Let us get Hephaestion- where has he gone?"

At the words, Alexander started again. Where _was _Hephaestion? Usually, on nights like these, he would be sitting next to Alexander. They would talk about everything- about their childhood, about the campaign, about the _Iliad _and its heroes...

"Well, Achilles. You seem to have lost your Patroclus,"Ptolemy said, eyes flashing mischeviously. "Perhaps you should look for him."

Intent on doing just that, Alexander strode away from the fire and towards Hephaestion's tent. What could his friend possibly be doing in there, shut up all alone?

"_Hephaestion. Tell me some more, Hephaestion." _Alexander stopped dead at the voice floating out from the tent. It seemed like Hephaestion was _not _alone.

"_If you insist. Now where was I? Ah, the story of Troy, the Iliad. Have you ever heard of the two great heroes Achilles and Patroclus? They shared the glory of war, and they shared one heart- they truly loved each other." _The familiar words struck Alexander like a blow to the stomach. But he listened on.

"_Do you love me, Hephaestion?"_the sweet, soft female voice sounded like a hissing snake to the king.

There was a pause before he heard Hephaestion get up. Then silence. Alexander knew that they were kissing- he had been around enough lovers who were separated from the outside by only the thin walls of a tent. He paused for only a moment before he strode towards the opening of Hephaestion's tent. Mere men would have turned away to brood and sulk. But he was Alexander, and he never turned from a situation however difficult.

Bursting in through the thin flap, Alexander saw at once his suspicions had been true. Hephaestion lay on some furs, his chest bare. Next to him lay a girl with long, flowing black hair and large green eyes. Alexander immediately recognized her. She had a unique name- Sephoras, and had come on the campaign along with Bagoas. It had been so long ago- _why was Hephaestion doing this now? Did he not notice her before?_

"Alexander…I…" Hephaestion was staring at him in shock, trying to form some semblance of a greeting. The girl, meanwhile, looked like she wanted to crawl under the furs and hide forever. "Alexander..." Hephaestion tried again.

Quickly hiding the hurt that must have shown on his face, Alexander straightened and slid a casual mask on. "Hephaestion. I seem to have…interrupted you. I am sorry. But may I talk to you alone?"

Putting on his own mask, Hephaestion turned to the girl with a fake smile. He waved towards the door. Within seconds, the girl got up and fled out of the tent. The two men turned towards each other, letting their fake expressions drop. Hephaestion, still sitting, was shocked to see the raw agony mixed with anger in Alexander's eyes.

"You love her," he whispered, almost to himself. "You love her. You love her. You love her. You love her!" With each passing second he got louder and louder until at the last one he flung himself at Hephaestion, pinning his shoulders to the ground. "Hephaestion, you love her!"

"Alexander-"

"You told her the story of Achilles and Patroclus. The Iliad. You told her _our _story! Why?! Why did you?"The gray eyes blazed with fire, then suddenly were dimmed as they filled with tears.

"Alexander, understand-"Hephaestion struggled to get up.

"But I don't!"Alexander lashed out, pinning him back down. "Do you not love me anymore? Do I matter? Do I matter at all?"

Suddenly, Hephaestion, with a great burst of strength, pushed Alexander off him and sent him sprawling into some silk pillows nearby. Stunned for a few seconds, he pushed himself off the floor only to see Hephaestion sitting up, his head bowed and his silky hair obscuring his face. Alexander, concerned, knelt before him. He could practically _see _the hurt searing, burning his friend's form.

"Bagoas,"was all Hephaestion said. It was all he needed to say. At the very sound of the eunuch's name, Alexander paled.

"Hephaestion…you know that you are my true love…you know I think of you always…"

"You _think _of me."Hephaestion laughed bitterly, and looked up into Alexander's eyes. His smooth cheeks were streaked with tears; his mouth was trembling though he tried not to show it. "Since when have _thoughts_ kept a man warm at night? You think that because you think of me, that is enough. Well, maybe it's enough for you, now that you have Bagoas." He laughed again, but fresh tears flowed down his cheeks. "But thoughts are not enough for me. I need company- I am a human, Alexander."

When Alexander did not say anything, he plowed on," So I met Sephoras. We have had many good nights together." He almost smiled when he saw the distress in the gray eyes. "But know, Alexander, that she is not _you._ And she never will be." Looking at Alexander once more with a heartbreaking glance, Hephaestion got up and swept out of the tent, into the darkness of night.

Alexander stared around him. He had never felt so utterly, so completely forsaken and alone. A chill seemed to consume him, to freeze his heart and stop his breathing. Alexander wanted desperately to believe that Hephaestion was wrong- he was right. Bagoas had not changed anything. But even as he thought of it he knew that it was not true.

"_But know, Alexander, that she is not you. And she never will be." _

Alexander knew what he was supposed to do. Knocking over a table in his haste, he ran outside. At the sight of him the dreaming guards snapped to attention. They saw his flustered face; tangled hair and ran up, concerned. "King…"

"Hephaestion. Tell me. Where is Hephaestion?" he barely managed to keep himself from shouting.

Clearly confused, the head guard stammered, " The L-Lord Hephaestion…he ran out of here earlier and…"

"**Where?**"

"He took in the d-direction of the r-river, my king-"

Alexander tore off in the direction of the guard's pointing finger, his bright golden man streaming behind him. It seemed he couldn't make himself run fast enough- he needed to fly. But soon he neared the river, and his pace slowed. His eyes scanned the darkness anxiously, looking for a figure. For Hephaestion.

He spotted him on a large slap of rock facing the rushing river, fed by the snow from the mountains. His chest was still bare, and as Alexander moved close he could tell Hephaestion was shivering. He seemed to be looking at something far off, but Alexander knew he was just lost in his thoughts. Moving silently, Alexander slipped behind him and put his cloak on the cold shoulders. Hephaestion started at the touch, then relaxed when he realized who it was.

"Hephaestion, " Alexander began, and was afraid he would not know what to say. But the words came out of him so easily that he knew he had known them all along. "You know, Hephaestion, you must know, that Bagoas is not **you. **And he never will be."

For a few moments there was silence. But then Hephaestion turned to face Alexander, his blue eyes glittering in the darkness.

" _I know, Alexander. I know_."


End file.
